A lot has happened this past year in my life. Changes. Changes can be unnerving at first, but one always finds a way to adapt. That is where I am now......in the adapting stage. There have been losses, some victories and some health issues. The victories are those feel-good-moments that grab our ego and our inside voice repeats over and over; ” I want more. I deserve more. I know what I have done is good.” Enter the losses. And those feel-bad-moments grab our ego and our inside voice repeats over and over; “ I knew you would fail. You are not good at this. You will never amount to anything.” Ego is fickle. Ego can stop you in your tracks and inhibit growth. The moment we become aware of the voice of the ego, it becomes no more than conditioned mind patterns. And those patterns we can change.
I have learned some valuable lessons in this past year. I learned that I can proudly call myself an artist. I learned that I make good art and often I make bad art. I learned that I have had many successes and many more failures and it is the failures that moved me to try one more time. I leaned that sometimes it is best to let go because trying harder is not working. I learned that I experience many emotions and they are all good, even the ones that feel so bad at the time. I have learned that a support system on the journey is a treasure to nourish and I do so by offering support in return. And I also learned that not everyone deserves my support. And there is no merit in feeling guilty when I withdraw my support.
Today I took a long walk in a snow storm with snow up to my knees. I shoveled snow until my back hurt and I could not feel my almost-frozen fingers. I got my truck stuck in a snow bank. And I saw the beauty in every moment of that. I felt like I was alive. Every breath of cold air that entered my lungs hurt and felt refreshing at the same time. In those moments I made some decisions; I made choices that I know will bring adventure back in to my life.
We are only here for a short time and in the end the only regrets we will have are the chances we did not take out of fear; the relationships we were afraid to have because of a broken heart; and the decisions we waited far too long to make because we feared failure or success.
Turn your head and pause. There is your next adventure waiting for you. Fall into it.